I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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