Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
My pussy is not your playground.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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