My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My balls are so social today.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
a search helicopter?!
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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