I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
