oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
