Where is the hickey?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
dude i'm inner monologue high
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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