At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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