turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Randomize
