It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
