He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
