go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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