nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He felt like a one man threesome
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Someone signed my nipple.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
