i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
