forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
