it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
