check it out our google latitudes are spooning
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
