We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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