god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Randomize
