he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
