Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
