Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize