things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
the day after is always just damage control
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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