I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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