i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
