i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
