My girlfriend figured out who you are.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
