i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
