My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
