It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
