I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
