I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
