He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
