Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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