Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
