I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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