rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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