yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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