U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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