but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize