I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
