...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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