brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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