The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
