3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
