he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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