i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
