his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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