Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
