my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
