im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
