got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
