Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
