i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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