There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize