corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
