Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
