Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
