My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize