No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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