youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
