don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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