made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
