i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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