he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
