I'm pants shitting drunk right now
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
