I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
