he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
