About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
