Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
